such a secret place
by airbefore
Summary: "You all think - All anyone has done for the past three days is crack jokes and call him my husband and I hate it. This isn't funny. Not to me." *scene insert for 6x23 (For Better or For Worse)*


**Disclaimer:** All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**AN:** Just a little insert for 6x23, addressing an issue that bothered me.

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It is such a secret place, the land of tears

~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The sun glints off the back window of the car in front of her and Kate squints against the glare, her eyes already gritty and dry from lack of sleep. Flicking on her blinker, she punches the accelerator and moves into the passing lane. The speedometer edges past eighty as she passes the compact sedan. The little old man behind the wheel raises a hand and Kate gives him a nod before sliding smoothly back into the right lane, the road in front of her empty.

Castle sits in the passenger seat, phone cradled between his ear and shoulder, answering questions from his lawyer. Reaching into his breast pocket , he pulls out the freshly signed papers, rifles through them.

"Yeah, Henry, they both signed." Castle holds the creased sheaf of paper up to the window, squints. "Will it matter that the documents are - well, they've got a few creases. Stains." He sniffs the back page. "A little hint of stale beer and hay."

Kate bites back a groan, her fingers tightening around the steering wheel. The last thing she needs is more judgment from Castle's lawyer.

"Okay," Castle says, nodding as he folds the papers and puts them in the console. "Great. We're on our way back to the city now. Should be there -" he leans over, eyes the speedometer, the needle still sitting just above eighty - "in about four hours. Great. See you then."

The phone clatters against the hard plastic of the cup holder and Castle grins over at her. "Henry's going to meet me at the his office when we get back so he can put a rush on these papers."

"And he's sure he can get it done in time?"

"Pretty sure. And if not, we can just have the ceremony and sign our marriage certificate later." He laughs. "I don't mind being the other man for a little while longer."

Castle braces his hand against the door when she jerks the wheel, angles the car toward the side of the road. Pulling off on the gravel shoulder, Kate throws the car into park and hits the hazard lights. Her breath comes in ragged pants as she leans forward and rests her head on the steering wheel, the seat belt cutting painfully into her chest.

"Kate?"

"Stop it," she grinds out, her jaw clenched tightly as she fights back the tears. "Please just stop."

A truck flies past, the car rocking in its wake, and she hears the mechanical click of his seat belt. Castle's fingers close around her chin, strong but gentle as he lifts her face from the steering wheel. His thumb brushes across her skin, catching a tear as it rolls over her cheek.

"Kate," he repeats, the same gentleness in his voice from their conversation on the bus bench the day before.

She sighs, her body shuddering with the force of it as she pulls away from him. "I hate this."

"I know."

"No," she says, staring at the way the sunlight catches at the diamond in her engagement ring, throwing a prism of color across the back of her hand, "you don't. No one does. You all think - All anyone has done for the past three days is crack jokes and call him my husband and I _hate_ it. This isn't funny. Not to me."

A heavy silence sits between them, the ticking of the hazard lights filling in the empty spaces. Castle reaches for her again after a long moment, pulling her right hand from the steering wheel and clutching it between both of his own. The heat of his skin seeps into hers and her palm tingles from the all too familiar feelings.

"Please look at me," he murmurs, plaintive and solicitous. Kate swallows and then turns toward him, her stomach clenching at the grief in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he says, squeezing her fingers tightly between his own. "I'm sorry that I upset you by being flippant about this, Kate. I know that this was the last thing either of us expected but -"

She closes her eyes again, presses the back of her skull into the dented center of the head rest. "I'm married, Rick. Married. I've been married for the past fifteen years."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to _me_," she insists, frustration bubbling up inside her chest. "How can this not bother you? Knowing that the entire time we've been together, the entire time you've known me, I've been married to someone else?"

He doesn't speak, doesn't try to reassure her or answer the question. They sit together on the side of the road in the middle of upstate New York, Castle's fingers stroking softly across the inside of her right wrist while she cries. Her body burns with it, shame and embarrassment and regret lighting her chest on fire, scorching the inside of her ribs. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Not even close.

The tears slow gradually and Kate loosens her grip on the steering wheel, swiping at the wetness coating her cheeks. Eventually, she turns to look at him, eyes and throat burning with the remnants of her breakdown.

"You are the only man I've ever wanted to be my husband, Rick." She palms the side of his face, the band of her ring pressing against his skin. "And now - now you're not. You're not and it's breaking my heart."

Castle covers her hand with his own, turning to plant a kiss on her palm. "It doesn't matter. No -" he cuts off her protest - "listen to me, okay?"

Her chest hitches as she takes in a deep breath, nods for him to go on.

"I know you're upset and I'm sorry that I've been an ass instead of paying your feelings the kind of respect they deserve. But, Kate, this -" he jerks his chin at the folded papers in the console - "this doesn't change anything about us. It doesn't change our history. It doesn't change how I see you or the future I want with you. It doesn't change the way I love you or how badly I want to be married to you. Nothing -" he cups the side of her face again, fingers feathering along her jaw - "will ever change that. Nothing."

He guides her into a kiss, the touch of lips light and soft. The ache inside her chest eases and Kate kisses him back, her fingers threading through his hair as she tugs him closer. They both groan when her tongue sweeps over his, the seat belt cutting into her neck as she stretches to be closer to him. The sharp blast of an air horn breaks them apart and he laughs against her chin as an eighteen wheeler blows past them.

"I'm sorry, Castle," she whispers, resting her forehead against his, the side of her index finger tracing along the shell of his ear. "I'm so sorry about all of this."

"There's nothing to be sorry about," he says, pressing another kiss to the corner of her mouth.

Kate snorts. "I dragged you across the state, chasing down my -" she swallows, still not able to say it - "Chasing down Rogan. We were threatened by a gang of bikers, abducted and held and gunpoint by a fugitive mobster, and you were sucker punched in an area we're both rather fond of."

Castle shrugs, pulling back."Yeah. But I also got to go to a strip club with my fiancée." He grins. "Twice."

He catches her hand when it connects with his shoulder, tugs her back in for another kiss. Kate sighs into it, the stress of the past few days starting to fade as his fingers curl at the back of her neck. "I love you," she breathes, lips brushing lightly over his. "So much."

"I love you, too." Castle brings her left hand up to his mouth, plants a kiss at the base of her ring finger. "Now, we've got a wedding to get to. What do you say we go get you a divorce?"

Laughter, real and bright, spills through her chest. "Sounds good."

Castle settles into his seat, pulls his seat belt across his chest. Kate turns off the hazards and puts the car into gear, pulling back out onto the highway. She reaches out a hand and he takes it, their laced fingers resting on his thigh as she drives them home.

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_Thanks for reading. Your thoughts and comments are always appreciated. _


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